The Search

A few days before I left CT, I felt like my head was going to explode from the stress of having to deal with all the last minute details to get to Mexico. I realized that the best thing I could do for myself was to go for a run. I had to do it even if I felt like it was taking time away from “getting things done”. Sometimes running can be like medicine: you might not necessarily want to take it but it’s always going to make you feel better and you have to do it with that knowledge.

On that run I ran through my elementary school playground and some kids yelled hello to me. I always flashback to a few select memories of that playground: kissing in the concrete tunnels, my second grade boyfriend crying against the fence and telling me he missed his dad who was in jail, my 3rd grade love telling me he didn’t want me as his girlfriend because I was boring because I didn’t play soccer (I recently learned he’s widely believed to be bi-sexual or gay…it explains other things too that maybe I’ll discuss in the future), being afraid on the see saw and even on the slide – hmm, I realize now that it’s mostly negative memories. Which I guess is why when I see kids playing there, I want to yell to them to keep playing and be active and be nice to each other. I want their childhood to be better than mine.

I continued down Main Street and stopped for a few minutes to pet a black pug and smalltalk with his owner. Then down to the public beach and along a short access road to the birdwatching gazebo that overlooks the marsh and the water. I happened upon a woman there with her baby. We started chatting and it turned out she’s a triathlete too, not even from the area but drove out there on her day off to see what it was like.

As I ran home, it started to rain and I felt like I was truly being cleansed of both my sweat and my stress. I realized that I could have stayed in all day and “got more things done” but by going outside for just a little while, I met people and had all sorts of experiences and feelings that I wouldn’t have if I’d stayed inside.

So last night when I went to sleep, I realized that I needed to just get myself out there and talk to people. I talked to so many people today and saw so many apartments, it was truly sensory overload. The short of it is that there’s a place I might take for the rest of the month because it will save me money over staying here in the hotel (although this place is totally cute and sunny and that place is much bigger which scares me a bit and not sunny but has a decent balcony). And I’m thinking about another place I saw that still needs some work and is unfurnished but has a nice backyard patio that I think the cats would love. I could even buy a washing machine to put out there because there’s a utility sink and faucet where you could hook up the hose. But when they say unfurnished here, they mean no stove, no fridge, – nothing. I need to consider how much it will cost to buy that stuff and if it’s worth it.