International Women's Day

Today was International Women's Day. I'm surprised and embarrassed (once again) to find out about this event and not know of its existence. And interested to know that some of my women friends from other countries were aware of it but thought it was just something celebrated in their country.

My neighbor A. is a sociology professor at the university here and her specialty is gender. She hosted a symposium today on what it means to be a woman. She invited me, a friend from Paraguay, and a Mexican colleague to discuss our experiences about being a woman.

It was definitely a great experience. I wrote up something in English, passed it through an online translator, made some corrections and then gave it to A. to proofread (she's from Spain and her first language is Spanish but she lived/studied in England for 8 years so her English is excellent). I simply read what I had written. There were about 60 students and the event was videotaped and photographed. I was up at a table with a microphone. Before the event I was nervous but once I was there, it was fine. The only part where I got a little nervous was the question and answer session but A. was nice enough to let me respond in English and she translated.

It was interesting riding the bus there because I was more aware of the women around me. I felt proud to be a woman as I watched the women get on and off the bus with their children. It's not always easy to be a woman here in Mexxico, especially a working class woman (they're the only ones who ride the buses...and the tourists for a novelty and me cuz I'm from New York and that's what we do). I love the idea of this holiday; I plan to celebrate it from this point on. It's important to pause for a moment and think about being a woman and acknowledge the women in our lives.

Feliz Dia Internacional de Mujeres Mis Hermanas!

On Being a Woman

I want to say Happy International Women's Day to all my sisters who are here and those who are in other parts of the world. The older I get, the more I value being a woman and the female friendships I've formed. It's probably a combination of age and having moved to Mexico within the past 6 months that I am more aware of what it means to be a woman. It can be challenging but I also feel it's a blessing and I wouldn't ever want to change my gender. It's difficult to fully address what it means to be a woman but I thought that a few of my life experiences might help define what being a woman has meant to me.

Being a woman means being a teenager in high school, walking with female friends after a phys ed class, enjoying each other's company, laughing and joking and having the male phys ed teacher say "Ok, bimbos hurry up" and feeling the sting of the comments and the lack of power to say anything.

Being a woman means having my hair colored by a friend, a boyfriend or my mom, spending an hour together with that person talking about the process and all sorts of things. Feeling pretty with my new hair color, having both men and women comment on how pretty I look, feeling happy they noticed and like it too.

Being a woman means being 15 and sneaking my high school boyfriend into my house at night, kissing, touching, taking off our clothing, having fun until he wants to have sex and I don't want to but he does and it's late and I don't want my parents to wake up and find us and he knows that so he forces himself on me and I quietly say no but I can't scream or be too forceful because I'm afraid of being caught.

Being a woman means that I might never want to have an abortion myself but I have friends who have had them and I think everyone should have that right and shouldn't be forced to have children they don't want even if it's not a choice I'd probably make.

Being a woman means being nearly 40, and having people constantly ask "Are you married?" "Have you ever been married?" "Why not?" "Do you have any children?" and seeing the look in their eyes that they just don't understand and feeling their feeling that something must be wrong with me.

Being a woman means being able to wear tshirts and jeans or a suit or a skirt and blouse in neutral colors or hot pink in solid shades or flowery prints.

Being a woman means spending New Year's Eve in Southern India with a tribal family and asking my female friend why she isn't dancing and having her respond that her husband doesn't like her to dance and that she also has to wear her sari blouse at least half-way to her elbow and remembering the little girl she was when I met her, full of spirit and strong personality who'd walk the beach along or with her younger brother selling things and talking to strangers, not afraid to be who she wanted to be.

Being a woman means having a boss who looks you up and down whenever he sees you and is more interested in the clothes or shoes you are wearing than the work you are doing and not giving you quality work to and not promoting you and eventually firing you for a reason that no man would be fired for.

Being a woman means traveling alone to another country, visiting a beautiful temple, talking with the security guard, feeling he's a nice man, having him invite me home for dinner with his family but being "better safe than sorry" and not going because it's not necessarily safe for a woman traveling on her own to accept an invitation from a stranger.

Being a woman means going to the hardware store to buy fencing and having men go out of their way to help and then putting up the fence on the front gate and having the male neighbor offer to help and spend lots of time helping.

Being a woman means moving to a new country and looking for work, meeting men and having them offer to help but always wondering if their offer is driven by kindness or sexual desire and wondering if their offer is legitimate or a way to get closer.

Being a woman means walking down the street alone at night and seeing a group of men approaching you and smelling their cologne and seeing how attractive they are and breathing a sigh of relief that they are gay and will just keep walking and won't comment and don't pose a threat.

Being a woman means being a teenager and getting along better with men because they're not bitchy and backstabbing and trying to steal your boyfriend and then growing up and getting along better with woman and feeling fortunate to have discovered women you feel a sisterhood with.

Being a woman means wanting to have my womanhood acknowledged, not ignored but not having it be the box people need to place me in and instead being accepted as the person that I am, regardless of my gender.