Who Am I?

So I've now been in NYC for a week. I can't believe a week flew by that quickly. The first few days dragged by and I felt like I wanted to go back home to Mexxico. I still feel that way, but look forward to seeing my niece (still haven't made it up there yet!)

It's weird being here. I think it's a great place to live, and it's probably a great place to visit if you've never lived here and have plenty of cash to spend on hotels. But as someone who called this place home for most of my life, coming back without a home here hasn't been easy or fun. The reality is that most people have so little space that no matter where you stay, you feel like you're intruding into their space and in the way. And that's not a nice feeling. Add to it not having a cellphone to keep in touch with people and limited access to the Internet which I've come to rely on and it really makes me want to get back to the comfort of my own space.

And it's not like it's a pure vacation. I have a long list of items to shop for while I'm here (and I don't even like to shop), things I can't get in Mexxico (at least not where I live). But even that makes me question who I am now and whether I still really want those things.

Simple things like buying what used to be one of my favorite drinks (Vitamin Water Power-C flavor) and having it taste nasty and then realizing how different my diet has become due in part to lack of processed foods and M.'s dislike/distrust of them. I'd actually like to be more adapted to Mexxico and what I can get there and have less of a desire for the things I can only get here. But I guess it will take more than one year for that to happen.

Meeting up with friends has given me mixed feelings. What I've realized is that getting together in a restaurant in a group is not a satisfying way to reconnect with people after not seeing them for 9 months. After spending more one on one time together, I've been happier and realize how much I cherish these friendships.

So for the next couple of days, I'm staying at a friend's place while he and his family are out of town. It's a nice comfortable space in a nice neighborhood in Manhattan. I don't feel like I'm intruding and I'm hoping that since most of my shopping is done I can relax.

Today I spent time with some of my best friends and it felt really good. Made me wish I could move back to the City. Of course it helps that the weather is perfect this time of year. I mustn't forget what winters are like here. My dream would really be to live summers here and the rest of the year in Vallarta...or maybe even somewhere else, who knows?