Be the Change You Want to See in the World

Where do I even begin? Maybe where I left off.

Last Wednesday I did finally get my butt out to go running. I ran for 14 minutes and felt great. I came home and put the entry in my running log database. It's been many months since I updated that even though I was running once a week before Xmas. I find it's motivational to keep track in the log. It gives me a sense of accomplishment.

That afternoon I also ended up getting a more drastic haircut that I imagined. A week later I'm still catching glimpses of myself in the mirror and feeling a little freaked out because I wonder who that person is. It's not like it's drastically short, just shoulder length with choppy layers.

Later that night I got pissed at M and stormed off from the gallery where he was painting. And the next day we kind of broke up. But then last night, a week later, we finally talked about the whole thing and things feel better. It's hard to know if this is just pre-break-up or if we're working past issues that will strengthen our relationship in the future.

Friday I was finally ready to get on a bus and head up the coast to Sayu1ita, a much smaller yet touristy town about 1.5 hours north of here. There was an event/gathering going on that had started earlier in the week that I wanted to join up with. Actually, another group of people I had met online were going to be at the event so I hoped to first meet them in Sayu1ita.



It was an amazing time. There were people from *all* of North America: Canada, US, and Mexico as well as some from Denmark, Finland, and Italy. Ages 18-60+. One woman brought her kids aged 12 and about 8. There was a communal space where we all ate a wonderful vegetarian dinner each night together (we OM'd and held hands before eating which I really got into). One night there was a beach party with lots of dancing, hooping, firespinnning, and enjoying watching the moon. I felt more and more comfortable and happy as the time passed. I did a temescal which is an Indigenous "sweat-lodge" and we had a closing ceremony that included blessing from several Indigenous "masters".




We stayed there till Monday and then drove up to Tepic where we camped out in one of the guy's vegetarian buffet restaurant. The food there was unbelievably amazing -- there is hope in this country!

On Tuesday am, the rest of the group headed out to a ranch where they were going to do a peyote ceremony. I wasn't ready to join into such a thing, but it sounded like a great opportunity for a really interesting experience. Maybe another time.



I got back here on Tuesday evening and have spent the past couple of days trying to get organized and work done so I can join up with the group again in a very small fishing village about 5 hours up the coast. Unfortunately one of the people I met in the group has thrust his presence into my life and I'm feeling I want that less and less. I felt really resentful today when he blew off going to immigration. He didn't get a tourist visa/card or proper bonding for his vehicle when he entered the country. So there's a chance of getting pulled over, getting the car confiscated, or even going to jail. But is this my problem?

Tonight M invited me out to dinner at a schmancy place with some of his friends. I talked about the Sayu1ita gathering and some of the things we did and spoke about. I tried to keep it a bit toned down but I could tell the friends thought it was all a little weird. It's funny to see the different worlds of people I pass into. It was a nice night and I feel more appreciated by M. which is what I really wanted.

I've realized I need to keep focused on my own life and happiness and keep connecting with people and trying to develop friendships and break some of the patterns I was falling into with M. for my own sake, but also for the sake of the relationship.

And another mantra to focus on is something Gandhi once said "Be the Change You Want to See in the World." I can sit here and complain about Va11arta and Mexxico or I can focus on actions that might work towards a change. As the Roscoe boys used to say "Put up or shut up". Ok, Gandhi said it nicer but those Roscoe boys are pretty cool too.