Sick

Life is moving very slowly right now. I came back from eNYC to find Che$ter in really bad shape. He didn't get off the couch and the meow he let out was weak and not his own. He'd lost weight and could barely walk. I called the vet in a panic and he advised giving him subcutaneous fluids and to come in the next day. Luckily (or not) I had experience doing this in the past so it's not a big deal. But I always think back to the first time I had to do it about three and half years ago with Fatima and how hard it was to jab her with a needle.

Anyway, his vital signs were good the following day (Weds) but the vet said he wasn't metabolizing food and was instead his body was breaking itself down. He's very thin and has lost a lot of muscle mass. The vet sent us home with some syringes of vitamins and amino acids to put in the fluids, homeopathic drops to put in his water, and a gel tablet of acidopholus (sp?) and said to monitor him.

But overnight he had labored breathing and just seemed to be getting worse. So yesterday we went to the vet's again and he said it was a bad sign that his temperature was down and his sphincter was relaxing, that he was now losing control of his bodily functions. The vet was nice but honest and said he used to believe everything should be done to preserve life but he now believed that if procedures were too invasive and the prognosis wasn't good, it wasn't good to make the animal suffer just so they could live a few more hours or days or weeks.

Obviously I was very upset and cried all the way home. It was a bit surreal standing on the street in Va11arta blinking back the tears as the hot sun beat down on me. The world seemed to go by in slow motion and I wondered what I was doing in such a place by myself, going through this. But then I thought how nice it was that the sun *was* shining and that being in this smaller, simpler town where I can quickly walk or take a taxi anywhere was actually a good place to be.

Another thing the doctor had given me was a syringe of anesthesia to use in case of an emergency, if in the middle of the night when no one was available and he started feeling agitated and in pain. I have it, but I'm pretty sure I will not be able to use it. It's hard enough to make the decision for a vet to give a lethal dose of medicine to a cat I love so much; I just don't think I could do it myself.

But there's the other vet who makes house calls and he came over and checked Che$ter out and was a bit more optimistic. He seems to think it's all related to anemia and gave him a shot to do something with the red blood cells. He also recommended feeding him fresh chicken broth with a syringe. So off we went to the bodega to buy a chicken leg. I borrowed a pot from my neighbor D@le (who'd cared for the cats while I was away) and we boiled it to make broth. He also recommended a homemade hot water bottle to keep next to him when he sleeps to keep him warm.

Today he seems about the same or maybe slightly better. The thing is that he's been eating. He ate when we got home from the vet and he ate quite a bit about 9am this morning. I'm so happy I brought home those cans of Tr@der Joe's catfood that they love so much. It's particularly useful now because he's eating it.

Last night a friend suggested that maybe it was time to let go. I think I will know when that time comes. Right now he's a little bit alert and eating so I think it's important to keep giving him nutrients, love and attention, and just see how it goes. I remember a few months ago, Ch0mmie was really sick and I was afraid it might be the end and she bounced back and is better than ever. I don't know if it will happen with Che$ter but it very well could so I'll keep trying.

In the meantime, I seem to have come down with flu. It's much worse today; my whole body is really achy and I have a headache, sore throat and runny nose. I'm also taking the vet's "medicine" of trying to sit in the sun for some time. But it sucks because I'm still not all the way unpacked, there's a ton of laundry to do, and I also have quite a bit of work that I had wanted to finish around now. I'm just trying to do what I can and may need to send an email to a client explaining the situation and ask her to bear with me. I hate to do that because I don't like to let my personal life affect my professional life. But when it's only me doing it all, I really can't help it.

The nice thing is that I've sort of started seeing someone and he's been a big help in picking up stuff for me from the store and just being around for moral support. It's nice to have someone to ease the load just a little bit.