Decepcionada

It seemed like a perfect day. I wanted to believe in love again. So there I was photographing a wedding between a woman born across the Sound from where I grew up, and her Mexxican fiance. They had met in the US, they were getting married in this "tropical paradise" where I live.

It was a beautiful day, perfect weather. She looked amazing in her gown; he was handsome (but not my type) in his tan suit. The ceremony was in a church full of family. We had a nice photo session. Beautiful guests, mariachis, sunset, toasts, fireworks -- the perfect day.

Until my assistant started with, "Oh my god, I have to tell you something. I remember where I know that guy from..." This was not good. My assistant used to work in a gay bar, bartending but also as a stripper. I've mentioned this bar before. The sleaziest hustler bar in town; I've known of many bad things involving that place.

It turns out the groom had been in that bar several months ago, it must have been when he and his lovely fiancee were in town making wedding plans. He'd mentioned he was getting married, how he needed to get married if he ever wanted to inherit money in his family. He was at the age and it was what he needed to do. He flirted with the bartender, he wanted to go upstairs...that's enough detail for this blog.

With all of this in my head, I found myself out on the dance floor photographing the couple and all the other couples around them. I was a little dazed so I can't remember what the song was, but I think it was something slow and romantic, it was talking about love. Usually I think of weddings as a big performance, with everyone in costume, acting out their roles on a cool set. I think of it in a positive way. But there on the dance floor I wondered how many other people there were living lies, acting out a role in their lives, in their marriages/relationships that wasn't real. I felt so sad, so disappointed, so deceived. Is anything real? Is there real love and real relationships?

But the show must go on. I kept photographing. Every once and awhile I'd take a quick break and I'd be overwhelmed by sadness again. But then it was back to work. But when the groom got a little annoyed with the bride for being hesitant about another family photo, it was like I saw a crack in the veneer of the fairytale they had created that day. And I wondered how long it would last.

This comes at a time when I feel my heart has been trounced again. I started to fall, I started to open up, I started to feel hope. Could he be the one? Could things be different? I didn't meet him in a club, I met him through "respectable" people. But from what I'm hearing, he's hustler. And in my eyes, a wolf in sheep's clothing is far worse than a plain old wolf. I hang with the wolves who don't try to be sheep. I'll take them any day.