Happyness

Tonight I was on the Ask a Sexy Woman Anything tribe (because as I've mentioned more than once, I'm addicted to tribe), and one of the topics was What Do You Crave Intensely Right Now? My answer was a close female friend in the same city. Something that continues to elude me here.

I crave this more intensely lately because M. and I are having difficulty, and I think it's also an after-effect of my cousins' visit this past week.

My dad had 2 sisters who each have 3 children. One set of cousins lived just 2 towns away in my dad's hometown. But I was never close to them and haven't seen them in over 25 years. The other set were 3 girls born to my dad's oldest sister and my uncle who was in the airforce. Growing up, they lived in Okinawa, Japan; Las Vega$, Nevada; and Ar1ington, Texas. We'd only see each other when they visited in the summer or maybe an occassional Christmas. But I always really liked these cousins a lot.



Even before my dad died, we lost touch with his family. But then somehow, about 6 years ago, I got back in touch with my aunt and uncle and my cousin who is my age and who I always felt really close to. I made a trip to Texas and it was sort of surreal because so many years had passed, but I still felt that same connection. We kept in touch through email and I visited a couple more times. I kept encouraging her to visit, and then suddenly I was happy to hear her suggestion of a trip here to celebrate turning 40. She was turning 40 in March, her best friend in June, and her oldest sister's partner (also known as her "little friend" hee, hee) in September.

So last Thursday, the 4 women (2 of them my cousins) descended on Va11arta! Once again a surreal feeling. Surreal to see my oldest cousin ML after more than 30 years and feel like she still looked and seemed the same. She's only about 4-5 years older than us, but she seemed much older when we were kids. I always looked up to her and thought she was so cool. She always seemed so confident and self-assured.

And it was surreal to be walking around Va11arta with them. Often I walk the streets alone and feel like a total foreigner. But suddenly I felt so comfortable and at home, showing them around the place. Soon after they arrived, we went for lunch at a restaurant I know across from the hotel they were staying in. I've been there a few times and it's usually decent, but not overly impressive. But even that was different with them -- the food tasted particularly good!



My cousin D. had arranged for us to do the canopy tour on her birthday last Friday. This was something I had wanted to do since before I moved here, so I was really excited for the opportunity to finally do it. We had an awesome day. I think they enjoyed the ride there which is down the coast that I still find so amazing. The big treat of the day was that all of the guides were young, good-looking, Mexican men. And we kept mentioning Cousin D.'s birthday so there were plenty of congratulatory hugs for all.



The tour we went on is out in the village where my former neighbor A. had bought property and planned to build a house. The same village where our friend S. has his sheep farm that we visited the day after my bday. And the same village where our friend C. lives in his funky wooden house (the guy we drove down to the coast with and later saw the aftermath of the horrible car accident). It's beautiful out there and although I was extremely nervous at first, I quickly started loving gliding along through the trees on on the cables. We stayed afterward for lunch and enjoyed the sunshine (and a really cool Burmese python).



I met up with them each day during the next few days. Eating together, going in the pool and jacuzzi, walking around town. It was really fun spending time with all of them; D.'s best friend and ML's partner turned out to be really fun to hang out with too so it was really great.

But now they're gone and I'm back to my solitary existence. But one thing I have to look forward to is a trip to Vega$ that I'm currently planning for the end of the month for a wedding and portrait photographer convention. And I figured out today that I can stop in Phoenixx where I have to change planes anyway and spend a day/night with my friend F. who is a Texxan that I know from eNYC.

But tonight as I walked home alone from a movie that I went to alone, I thought, "What the heck am I doing here?" I've been really adamant that I'm "over" solo-travel, that I want to experience the world with other people. And that what I want and value more than anything is to spend time with friends and a partner (no, I'm not referring to a "little friend"...dare I say husband?). Yet here I am, feeling essentially alone on what could be perceived as a solo-trip with no end date. Hmmm, how did that happen??

The movie I saw tonight was The Pursuit of Happyness. Very touching film and once again, got me thinking about the importance of family. I really want a family. I don't know what form it will be in, but it will include a man who is committed to me and wants to share and build a life with me.