Almost 1

On Thursday my niece D. will be turning 1. This past Sunday, there was a big party for her at my sister-in-law K's aunt's place in Ivoryton so I came up to CT for a few days.

It was a big backyard BBQ picnic party. A lot of my family was there (my mom of course, both of my mom's brother's and my remaining aunt, 2 of my 3 cousins, my cousin's wife and 2 girls), lots of K's family (her mom is one of 12 children) which sort of includes my godmother (my godmother's brother used to be married to one of the 12 children), and K. and M.'s friends. K's best friend happens to be a neighbor who I've known since we were both kids and my brother's friends are guys he's known since high school or before. Most of them have young children too so there were kids running around everywhere. And lots of meat on the grill. I felt like a total fish out of water, from the way I dressed (I wear dresses whatever I do and most people there were in t-shirts and shorts), to my vegetarian diet, to being unmarried without kids, to living in Mexxico and eNYC. That sort of environment definitely brings out my shy side and I felt a bit socially awkward, but I muddled through and socialized and tried to appear at ease.

D. was definitely the belle of the ball. She is a really happy and well-adjusted little girl. She was happy to play with the other kids in a wading pool, amused herself with some toys on a blanket, sat in her high chair and ate ziti with sauce, smeared her cake all over her face and hair as any 1 year old should, and smiled and even danced a little as her mom opened her mound of gifts. I'm really conscious of how important the early years are for children and as time progresses I keep breathing a sigh of relief that everything is going so well for her and if nothing else, she has a good start to life.


I really can't get enough of her. I wish I could see her every day and I don't want to leave her until she goes to sleep. Tonight we went to visit for awhile and got to watch her in the bathtub. She's constantly fascinating! Which made me wonder: if I love this little girl so much and want to spend so much time with her, do I want my own little one? The answer is still "not now". My life is not set up to have a child, mostly because I don't have a partner. I can't even envision wanting a child without a father in the picture.