Fear

I am living a different life these days. I notice a big shift since I returned from NYC. I feel much more comfortable here. But part of this is also living an edgier life. I'm trying to walk the line between the edge and solid ground.

It's interesting also having seen that movie about NYC with Jody Foster. How crime and fear is always there but until something happens to you, you don't realize it. Someone tried to steal stuff (modems, hard drives -- my digital communications world) -- out of my window. And for awhile life did feel different. Actually it didn't. It was my friends' reaction to it that was making me feel fearful. Actually I'm more afraid of fear than danger. Danger to me seems manageable and can be dealt with. Fear is something that can grab ahold of you and it's hard to break free of its power over you.

I've been meeting so many people and you never really know what people are like, but you can get feelings about them. This guy creeps me out big time.


He tried to talk to me one night in the club and immediately I could feel my body tense. Since then I'd see him and try to avoid eye contact. It became obvious he's a hustler who targets women, but that's not what makes him creepy. Mostly I've managed to avoid contact but on Wednesday, he showed up to my friend A&ner's party at the bar #rida where A&ner bartends. It seemed once he saw I was friends with a bunch of people there who he knew, he felt he had an in. He kept trying to talk to me, dance with me, convince me to go back to his place, etc. But after a few beers, my badass self started coming out and I remembered that no one fucks with me. So I flat out told him I thought he has really bad energy. He mocked offense, but it was a fake reaction. But I felt better because I think the best way to deal with potentially scary people/situations is to confront them head on. We're just a bunch of animals and predators look for weakness and can sometimes back away with a show of strength. The interesting thing was shortly after, I make the comment about bad energy, a fight broke out in the club. I got closer to see what was going on and it was him and another guy. He's supposedly banned from the club for 3 weeks.

I was hoping that from now on, I wouldn't be creeped out by him but just looking at his photo does it. I was going to compare the feeling to seeing BOB from Twin Peaks and posting his picture too, but when I googled BOB and his photo came up, I had a feeling of terror and had to close the page immediately. So he's not as scary as BOB, but it's probably worse because he's a real person who I could run into at any time.