Back

I'm back. Back here to blog about being back in eNYC. Time goes so fast when you look back, but sometimes days go slow and yet I feel like I don't accomplish enough. That is part of being here.

As you might have imagined, I have doubts about the point of blogging anymore. I started the blog to document my move to Mexxico and my adjustment to my new life there. Frankly, I never thought about really moving back to eNYC. I had hoped I left small apartments, high rents, bad weather, and meaningless jobs behind for good. But as life keeps teaching me, never ever ever say never.

One month here and I'm still jobless and don't feel much closer to having a job. I've reconnected with some photographers I know as well as some new ones and have made it known I'm looking for work, but nothing has happened. More than ever I know that I love photography and if I could have any job (and be successful at it), it would be as a wedding photographer. But I still struggle with my confidence more than ever and the business end of things. I continue to get inquiries, but still no bookings. Today a friend asked if I'd consider lowering my prices and I might go that route for awhile here in eNYC. There are still about 4 months left of wedding season so it's not completely too late, but I need to be more aggressive and make it a higher priority.

I've also decided I'm ready to pursue temping in earnest. My resume is ready to go and I have a lead with a friend of a friend who's temped a lot in the past and has connections there. I think the money will be decent, not great but decent, enough to at least cover expenses and hopefully start to help me pay off the debt hanging over my head.

I feel in major ways, life hasn't changed all that much by the change in location. I still spend most of my time alone, actually more so now. I still spend a lot of time in front of the computer. I feel isolated and wish I had more connection with friends and also wish I had a great boyfriend.

There are differences too. I have a far inferior living space/condition although my utilities are reliable and I'm thankful to have any place at all. My neighborhood is even noisier in some ways, but no screaming children or roosters. And I close the windows most of the time and run the ac both to cool off and for background noise. Food is more varied and I'm enjoying it, but I miss my salad from Luis' burrito place, churros from the old guy near the church, and sopes and quesadillas from La H0rmiga.

But maybe the biggest difference is that I feel hope for the future here and I don't feel completely stuck. I'm sort of stuck here right now, but I feel it's temporary and with work and time, it will change. I feel I will find work and start getting back on track financially which is how I've lived nearly all of my life. I feel I could actually meet someone here to have a relationship with. It's a big city and you have to make more of an effort to meet people, but there are a lot of good people doing good things in this city and that's refreshing.

I definitely don't see myself living here for longer than I need to, but I'm also realistic to know that could be 6 months, a year, maybe even more. Having moved away and broken the spell and experienced a beautiful place, closer to nature with more space to live personally and more wide open space, cheaper rent, better weather, it's really not so alluring to be back here. I enjoy seeing my friends, but they've also moved on with their own lives and there's currently not a whole lot of space there for me. And of course the food and ease of getting "things" is nice. But I've learned to enjoy it when I visit and stock up for when I'm not here. I no longer need everything at my doorstep all the time.

So it remains to be seen what will happen. I'm open and waiting and working to move forward and see what's next.